Archives —
Cleveland In Philly
October 12, 2007
Philadelphia is a great town.
Granted, it’s not Baltimore, my adopted hometown. Nor is it Cleveland, my real hometown.
But yes, I like Philadelphia just fine, and am comfortable (to an extent) with the idea that I will likely live here the rest of my natural life.
There’s just one problem with this situation: It means I will very rarely get to watch college football with my family. Ever.
Here’s the thing, folks: The Cleveland Hylands are college football people. Despite our loyalty to the Indians, Browns and Cavs (but not traitor LeBron), we are, at the end of the day, college football fans first (my brother Pat may occasionally claim to put the Browns on the same footing at the Nits, but when he says this I just pretend to have not heard it). See, to the Hyland clan, each college football Saturday is something to be savored. Kind of like Slovenian smoked homemade sausage from Hochavar’s market in Maple Heights, Ohio. I suppose most of you don’t know what a Slovenian sausage tastes like. Too bad for you. Anyway: It tastes damn good.
What is my point?
Here’s my point: I miss watching college football my family.
I miss lamenting Anthony Morelli’s latest blunder with my sister, Colleen. I miss the grumblings of Pat, a masterful grumbler. I miss my Dad’s subtle hints that, as good as Penn State may be, they probably aren’t as good as Ohio State (and, God, do I hate that, especially when he turns out to be right). And I miss my mother, Diane, getting as angry as I do when things don’t turn out quite as planned.
Which has happened quite a bit this season.
But here’s some good news: This weekend, I have the pleasure of welcoming my mother for a visit. And while the highlight of her visit will certainly be seeing her grandchildren, it is a nice bonus that she’ll also get to spend Saturday afternoon watching the Nittany Lions with her son.
More importantly, possibly, it's a nice bonus for me that I'll have another Cleveland Hyland in the house to watch college football with.
For once, I will have a Hyland, right there in my living room, to complain with, instead of having to call home to Cleveland. For once, there will be two Hylands, not one, screaming at the television and bitching about Morelli. For once, somebody will be right there to mope with me if and when we blow it—or, if, against all odds, celebrate with when we manage to pull off the upset.
For once, Mrs. Your Editor will realize that her husband is not the only one whose Saturdays are so wrapped up in the exploits of a football team playing ball several hours away.
In other words, Mom: Thanks for making the trip.
And for keeping me company on gameday.
And for making me look normal.
Relatively speaking.
At least for one week.
Out And About: News And Notes You May Have Missed
• Pitt coach Dave Wannstedt has never really had the reputation as a strategic genius (which leaves us wondering why he keeps getting hired), and never was that more apparent than on Wednesday night (football on Wednesday night?; ick), when the former Bears (snore)/Dolphins (snore) coach decided against a field goal attempt in overtime that, if made, would have put the Panthers into a 48-48 tie with mighty Navy. We don’t mind that decision, folks. We really don’t. Besides, Pitt had run the ball at will all night. It was like 1976 all over again: Freshman phenom Shady McCoy (God, do we love that name) ran for 165 yards and three scores, and Navy’s defense couldn’t stop fullback Conredge Collins in short yardage situations, either. Pitt was bigger and stronger than Navy up front, and it seemed logical that Pitt, on that late 4th-and-2 with the game on the line, would just send McCoy out on a sweep and let their strength--that famous Iron City strength--win the game. Or so you would think. Instead, The Great Wannstache called for … a fade route to the corner of the endzone. With a shaky freshman quarterback, Pat Bostick, throwing to an unremarkable wideout. The result? Bostick threw into triple coverage, the pass fell incomplete, and Navy walked out of Yinzerville with a 48-45 win. Afterward, even the Panther players seemed utterly dumbfounded by the play call. Said Collins: ''We were going for the win, it was crunch time and I guess people wanted to go home or something. Do I wish we could have run the ball with me or LeSean? Most definitely, but you've got to respect the play call and that's our coach.'' Um, sure. Asked about the call, The Great Wannstache said” ''We do it all the time in practice and it works perfectly.” What can you possibly say to that, folks?
• Texas Tech student Geoffrey Candia created a bit of a stir this week when he printed up what could best be described as “inflammatory” tee-shirts in preparation for the Red Raiders’ annual rivalry game with hated Texas A&M. The problem, you see, is that the tee-shirts are about as politically incorrect as you can get: On the front, they boldly proclaim, “Vick ‘Em”; on the back, they show an image of Atlanta Falcons (snore) quarterback / psychopathic dog abuser Michael Vick hanging A&M’s mascot, a collie named Reveille, from a noose. Classy! Though Candia said he planned to donate half of the profits of his tee-shirt sales (and, by all accounts, they were selling briskly) to local animal-protection organizations, University officials were nonetheless displeased. They banned sales of the tee-shirts on campus and are now looking to sanction Candia's fraternity. Explained Texas Tech spokesman Chris Cook: "You can't make light of a situation like that. That is in poor taste and poor judgment." Indeed. But a little bit funny.
• And now, your (increasingly depressing) weekly Penn State update: In a season where Penn State has made a lot more noise off the field than on it (except for that stellar 27-7 win over Iowa last week!; woo-hoo), this week brought a truly new frontier of off-the-field, disciplinary weirdness: Legendary coach Joseph Vincent Paterno allegedly got into a traffic altercation with a woman and her husband on campus. Paterno admitted as much during his weekly chat with the Penn State Quarterback Club in State College. After some unspecified incident occurred, Paterno allegedly pulled over and told the woman driver to “watch it.” The woman’s husband didn’t like this, and so he told Joe, “That’s my wife you’re talking to.” To which Paterno replied: “That’s your problem.” [Editor’s Note: You’ve gotta admit, that was pretty good]. Fortunately for Joe, the University announced on Thursday that police had determined neither Paterno nor the other driver would face any trouble in the incident. Explained a Penn State police spokesman: "As far as we're concerned, we consider it over and done."
Quick Hits: Straight And To The Point
• Folks, I wanted to alert you to two links--posted just yesterday--that indicate that Your Editor may well be becoming a global sensation. First, TCFA got a nice plug at the end of this piece I wrote for Philadelphia City Paper (a handy piece if you are looking for a good bar to watch sports in Philly); later yesterday evening, Your Editor's letter to ESPN columnist Bill Simmons kicked off his column about the Major League Baseball playoffs. I am on the verge of global stardom, folks. And just think: If that happens, you can say: "Hey, I knew about TCFA way back when Your Editor was humble and small."
• This week in Traverse City, Michigan, the body of legendary Notre Dame quarterback George Gipp was exhumed at the request of his family. Police declined to comment on why the body was exhumed. But here’s a kick in the pants: ESPN was there to film it. Hmmm.
• You may not have noticed, folks, but after Florida quarterback Tim Tebow threw an early touchdown pass last week against LSU, he celebrated by pretending to dial a telephone. Wondering why? Here’s why: According to Tebow, he received “hundreds” of threatening phone calls (apparently from Tigers fans) leading up to the game last week. Explained Tebow: "They were having fun with me, so I was having fun with them, too It's what college football is all about. It's just fun, and I had fun with it. I know it probably got under their skin a little bit." Do you realize, folks, that if Tebow was in the NFL, he would be fined and there would likely be a vast investigation launched at the behest of whiny Eric Magnini? God Bless college football.
• One additional (but creepier) note on Tebow and Louisiana phone-gate: Reports are that some LSU students showed up to the game last week wearing tee-shirts with Tebow’s phone number of them. To which Florida coach Urban Meyer said: "I told Tim 'Just dump your phone and get another one.'" No word on which Florida booster volunteered to handle that.
• Stanford coach Jim Harbaugh is all the rage this week, after his team—a 40-point ‘dog to USC (snore)—upset the Trojans on a last-minute fade route (maybe that’s where The Great Wannestache got the idea?) last Saturday. Asked where he’d like to see his program go from here, Harbaugh said simply: "The vision of this program is to win multiple Pac-10 championships and treat people in a first-class manner.” At least the second part should be easy.
• Don’t feel bad, Penn State fans. Though you haven’t beaten Michigan in Ann Arbor since 1996, it could be a lot worse: The Purdue Boilermakers, for instance, haven’t won at The Big House in their last 16 tries. Purdue coach Joe Tiller this week said that things just don’t seem go his team’s way there, no matter what kind of team he puts on the field. Recalling his visit there in 1999, Tiller said: "One thing I'll always remember is when we went up there in Drew Brees' junior year. We went through warmups and, coming off that field, I don't think I was ever more confident. We went through the entire warmup period and did not drop a single pass. I mean, every guy. The No. 12 receiver on our team caught passes. I thought, boy, our guys are really dialed in. The game started and I think we dropped the first six passes." Purdue lost 38-12.
• Given Purdue’s troubled history at Michigan, it should be disconcerting for Boilers fans to note that this will quarterback Curtis Painter’s first trip to the Big House. Asked this week how he and his teammates will handle the trip, Painter said: "I'm fortunate enough, and we've got quite a few older guys, who have played in some pretty big atmospheres -- Penn State, Wisconsin, Notre Dame. For the most part, hopefully the older guys will be able to handle it well. We've been in this situation before. From what I've heard, it's a great atmosphere to play in. It's going to be a loud environment, but hopefully some of those experiences from the past will help us handle it." Curtis, as a Penn State fan, I assure, they won’t.